Does This Meter Make My Snorkel Look Fat?

I'm a few weeks behind, I know I know. But my recent trip to Puerto Rico inspired me to write a short post about traveling with diabetes. Here's the summary: it's a bitch.

First of all, if your insulin gets hot, it goes bad. Which is really convenient if you're going somewhere like, say Puerto Rico. Now granted, most of the time your insulin is living in the well-air conditioned hotel room, so there's nothing to worry about. But that can bring on a host of problems as well. (Flashback to my sophomore year of high school when I left France to go to Amsterdam and realized ALL of my life-saving insulin was packed neatly in the mini fridge of my Paris hotel room... I'll ruin the ending for you- one $250 overnight shipment later, I survived. But barely.)

Perfect segway into the next hassle. The AMOUNT of insulin being used on vacation. Now, I'm FULLY aware that this pain is self-inflicted. But come on people, it's vacation. Whether you're studying abroad in Italy and dining on wine, pasta, and tiramisu every day (ahem, theoretically...) or vacationing in Puerto Rico and sampling every form of mofongo, fried fish, and guava-fruit-anything (once again, theoretically,) the fact is, you're eating differently, and probably much worse than, you eat at home. Cue the insulin pen dial. Crank that sucker up. I'm not here to eat salad.



There's plenty to gripe about in regards to this topic (and I'll most certainly add to this in the future,) but I'll end this post with a third and final hassle. Booze. In this case, rum. When you're on an island where rum is added into every thing you drink whether it's your morning coffee or afternoon fruity drink, handling your blood sugar can be difficult. The ironic part is that you're so drunk you don't notice or care.

That wasn't a joke. Really.

When you start your day off with a 10am tour of the official Bacardi distillery (free samples, what what!) and make it into town 4 hours later with only a strong mojito and 4 mixed drinks in your system, you're not really thinking about your blood sugar. Your thought process is something like, "Heyyyyyy muchachos! Someone give me some paella with something fried and a side of rum with a mini-umbrella. Tengo hambre! What's diabetes? Holla."

 

Why is this a problem you ask? Well, in the long run it's not. When in San Juan do as Pitbull does. Or something like that. But when you're a diabetic even a little bit of alcohol seriously screws with your system, so the short term implications involve a series of too low and too high blood sugars that will crank your hangover up to Dante's 7th layer of hell status.

So moral of the story? Keep your insulin cold, your empanadas hot, and your endocrinologist on speed dial.

I'm So High Right Now

Every diabetic has developed their own lingo. We deal with checking our blood sugar 4+ times a day and are continually poking and prodding ourselves. It's only natural that we develop slang. The only problem is that sometimes we forget that strangers and acquaintances aren't as accustomed to our casual (and usually smart ass) phrases as our close friends and family are.



I've put together a short, humorous list of moments that have warranted (and always will warrant) strange looks in public and/or serious concern by new friends or co-workers who weren't aware of my diabetic situation. Enjoy.

#1:
"I'll be right back. I need to go shoot up."

OK sure. I had it coming. Strangers in public aren't going to automatically assume it's life-preserving insulin. But after 9 years of taking 4 shots a day I've earned the right to edit "I'll be right back. I need to go inject myself with Novolog before I eat in order to maintain normal blood glucose levels since my pancreas does not have the ability to produce insulin on its own," into whatever jargon I like. Don't you think?

#2:
"Crap! I'm out of needles!"

And here we are at another illegal drug reference. Most people get very uncomfortable at the mention of the word "needle," and rightfully so. But to me needles are as normal as nuts in a fruitcake so I throw around the word like "amen" in church. 

I am currently in the process of moving apartments. As one of my hired professional movers was hauling a box upstairs to my new place he read the label "Needles and other drug supplies," and just laughed. "That's funny," he said, "I love it when our clients put joke labels on boxes." I just smiled and nodded. Sure, buddy.

But on a positive note, at least modern medical technology has allowed me to upgrade to simple insulin pen needles rather than full on syringes. Want to talk dirty looks and whispers? Try dropping a handful of actual syringes in your high school bathroom in front of half a dozen hometown southern Baptist PTA moms. Oh yeah.

#3:
Basically any form of "I need a shot," "I took a shot," or "I'm going to take a shot."

Why do I get raised eyebrows after saying any of the above mentioned sentences? Because when normal people hear those phrases they assume tequila. I cannot count the number of times I've said "I just took a shot" and friends assume I've just started the party early. If only.

Last night at dinner when I casually said, "I need a shot," my good friend said, "OK!" My waitress said, "We don't serve alocohol." 

#4
"Ughhhh. I'm so high right now."

Flash back to a few weeks ago to when I was working an event for my summer internship (Willie's 4th of July Picnic, to be exact.) It was as hot as, well, Texas in July and I was already thirsty on top of my less-than-perfect blood sugar level. Wiping the sweat off my forehead I exclaimed, "Ugh, I just wish I wasn't so high right now!" My very relaxed co-worker just shrugged, "I mean, it IS a Willie Nelson concert..." Ay dios mio.

Unfortunately what I really mean is that my blood sugar is in a dangerously "high" range (basically anything over 150ish.) Dude, like, whoa. 


So you're welcome, guys. Next time you hear me or my fellow diabadasses mention shooting up or taking drugs, don't call the cops. Just give us a high five.



And for those of you who found this even remotely interesting. Here is a lady who wrote a whole 70-term blog post on diabetes jargon. It's less smart ass than my list, but way more comprehensive and informative. Enjoy:

http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2011/02/diabetes_terms_of_endearment_t.html

You Sugar Me All Night Long

Almost every diabetic can tell you the joys of yo-yo-ing blood sugar levels, especially at night. First, there's the waking up sweaty and shaky because of low glucose. Then ensues the fun part of having to try to get those levels back to normal. This usually consists of over-compensating and getting high blood sugar then having to start the process all over again. 

That sounds pretty miserable. And textbook. But I promised I'd give it to you straight: the REAL story of how things go down in my diabetic life. 

It usually starts with waking up at about 2am. Your fuzzy brain is asking questions like,

 "Who am I?"
 "Where am I?" 
 "What is life???"

You slowly start to realize (as you're wiping away under-boob sweat with your T-shirt) that you're not in a crappy, hallucinogenic dream, but that your blood sugar has dropped below normal levels. 




Panic ensues. Logically, you know that you should eat something that will raise your blood sugar to average levels. This means either suck on a few Life Savers (ironic, yeah?) or drink a glass of OJ. But noooooooo. What do you do? You eat the kitchen. The whole kitchen. Because you are a sweaty, shaky, irrational, hot mess who feels like death. Anything that maybe might have some carbs in it goes into your mouth simply because it's laying in the path of destruction. Bread and gatorade and ice cream, oh my!




At this point, your blood sugar is slowly raising up to normal levels, you stop sweating, and your brain clears up. The only problem is now you feel like a bear who just stuffed itself preparing for hibernation. Let the stomach-ache and the self-loathing begin. 

And here's a shocker- now your blood sugar is too HIGH. Surprising, right?

Quick! Panic again! Time for insulin, and LOTS of it!! I mean, you did just eat like it was your job. 

As promised, the cycle continues. Because it turns out you didn't actually eat quite as much as you thought you did, so naturally the insulin you took brings your blood sugar back to unsafe low levels. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And here's the harsh truth. I'll never get this right. Ever. I know what I SHOULD do. Years of experience, doctors visits, common sense, and diabetes education have taught me the right way to handle these situations. But no amount of theoretical logic can prepare you for the helpless, sweaty, woozy, irrational self you become when your body wakes you up screaming for sugar in order to stay conscious.