When You Hear Hoofbeats, Think Diabetes.

One of the most frustrating things about being a Diabetic is that when you get sick, your blood sugars go haywire and everything spins out of control. A common cold can send your Diabetes into a downward spiral and give you crazy numbers for days.

On the other side of this really fun spectrum is the fact that a lot of common health problems or aches and pains you have are caused BY Diabetes. So because of that, every Diabetic has to deal with that elephant in the room: Type 1 Diabetes. You can't have ANYTHING medically wrong with you without medical professionals or the people you're close to asking if it's because of your blood sugar.

And this pisses me off. My poor parents have gotten the worst of my backlash from this. But the truth is, sometimes a headache is just a headache. It's a my-blood-sugar-is-100-not-600-every-day-headache that requires Advil, not insulin. Sometimes it's not even a medical problem that raises suspicion: 

Me: I need to pee.
Mom: Have you checked your blood sugar today?

Me: It's hot in here. I'm sweating.
Dad: What are your sugars?


And I get it. Parents worry. But what's really fun is when you actually have to HIDE your Diabetes from health care providers in order to receive treatment for some other problem. I'm talking to you, TCU Health Center.

Every time I have gone into the university health center for some issue, they circle it back around to my Diabetes. This includes holding me hostage, putting an IV in me to flush my ketones (even when there are none there to flush), calling my mother, and sending me to the closest hospital for Diabetic Keto-Acidosis.

Seriously, y'all. I can remember 3 instances where I went to the on-campus clinic and my Diabetes was blamed for my health issues. Those 3 times I had the flu, Pink Eye, and a sinus infection consecutively. Rather than focusing on these issues, the doctors hounded me about Diabetes and created imaginary disease-related problems.

While it's good to be on top of things, the problem is that it makes me wary to even inform them of my Diabetes on future visits. 

This past semester I sprained my ankle really bad and as I was filling out the paperwork in the waiting room I got to the line that reads, "Do you have any chronic illnesses?" Nah.                                             


















Call me paranoid, but I knew that these crazies would probably find a way to blame my Diabetes for my sprain. Something along the lines of my Diabetes ran up behind me, twisted my ankle, and voila! There's your problem.

Now, I won't be stupid about it. Health care providers need to be aware of chronic illnesses in their patients. But they also need to be aware that people with these illnesses can have other, unrelated things wrong with them.

So when you hear hoofbeats, it's really not always horses. Every now and then you get diabetic zebras.

Here, Drink This

One of the best things about having a chronic illness is that everyone seems to have a "cure." You will always meet someone who has a brother who has a girlfriend who has a squirrel who has a diabetic squirrel mom and here's what SHE did to cure it. 

The sad truth is, until scientists can "fix" our pancreases, we will never be cured. We can control this annoying disease and live completely normal lives. But we'll never be cured. Ever.

Not that that stops people from giving advice. Most of it is given out of love, concern, and pure faith that their technique works. It's almost NEVER given out of spite. Here are my top 3 favorite "cures" that have been offered by loved ones lately. While they won't "fix" my pancreas, they at least brought a smile to my face.

#3 Pickle Juice

This one is one of my favorite because of its source. This cure comes from the padre of my best friend, Lexy. When we moved in together freshman year of college, her dad found out I was a Type 1 Diabetic. At some point when she went home this is what she was told, "Your friend with Diabetes. Tell her to drink pickle juice and it will fix it. My friends dog had diabetes and he drank pickle juice and is cured." We still laugh about that to this day. Gracias, Armindo! I do love pickles.

#2 Gastric By-Pass Surgery



First of all, that's a brave soul to tell a curvy, 22-year-old that she needs weight loss surgery.

OK, so he totally didn't mean it like that. (Trust me, I asked.) But still.

The person who gave this little (not-as-sweet-as-the-pickle-juice-gesture) tidbit of advice is one of my dads closest friends and is actually very kind. He told me about this "cure" about 8 whiskeys in to my dad's birthday party a few weeks ago. So I'll let him slide. He said that everyone he knew who had Diabetes and got the gastric by-pass surgery woke up from the procedure without it. 

Maybe he meant Santa Clause and The Easter Bunny. 

#1 Aloe Vera Juice with Whiskey

This one comes from one of my favorite people in the whole world: my gay, Vietnamese, adopted brother. Everyone has one of those, right?

He was recently diagnosed with Diabetes and swears by this "cure." Now, it is a little more promising when someone who actually HAS Diabetes gives you advice, but the fact is that your pancreas is still kaput.

Quang has a bubbly personality that lights up a room, and honestly he could probably get rid of his Diabetes by telling it to go away nicely. A few days ago when he was begging me to try his daily aloe vera/whiskey concoction I mentioned that I'm not a huge whiskey fan. "Not a problem!" he exclaimed, "You like gin. You can use that!" Well now we're talking.



And here's the thing. I actually will try almost anything that is supposed to help. (Well, minus the invasive surgery.) If there's a rumor that drinking pickle juice will do the trick? Sure, why not? And I'm actually looking forward to trying Quang Le's miracle cure. Diabetics follow little tips every day (ie: cinnamon helps stabilize blood sugar.) But when it comes down to it, no matter what natural or alternative remedy comes along, I'm not going to stop taking my insulin. 

But to the people offering up their advice, I truly do appreciate you and your love for this feisty little diabadass. Keep the suggestions coming.

I'm So High Right Now

Every diabetic has developed their own lingo. We deal with checking our blood sugar 4+ times a day and are continually poking and prodding ourselves. It's only natural that we develop slang. The only problem is that sometimes we forget that strangers and acquaintances aren't as accustomed to our casual (and usually smart ass) phrases as our close friends and family are.



I've put together a short, humorous list of moments that have warranted (and always will warrant) strange looks in public and/or serious concern by new friends or co-workers who weren't aware of my diabetic situation. Enjoy.

#1:
"I'll be right back. I need to go shoot up."

OK sure. I had it coming. Strangers in public aren't going to automatically assume it's life-preserving insulin. But after 9 years of taking 4 shots a day I've earned the right to edit "I'll be right back. I need to go inject myself with Novolog before I eat in order to maintain normal blood glucose levels since my pancreas does not have the ability to produce insulin on its own," into whatever jargon I like. Don't you think?

#2:
"Crap! I'm out of needles!"

And here we are at another illegal drug reference. Most people get very uncomfortable at the mention of the word "needle," and rightfully so. But to me needles are as normal as nuts in a fruitcake so I throw around the word like "amen" in church. 

I am currently in the process of moving apartments. As one of my hired professional movers was hauling a box upstairs to my new place he read the label "Needles and other drug supplies," and just laughed. "That's funny," he said, "I love it when our clients put joke labels on boxes." I just smiled and nodded. Sure, buddy.

But on a positive note, at least modern medical technology has allowed me to upgrade to simple insulin pen needles rather than full on syringes. Want to talk dirty looks and whispers? Try dropping a handful of actual syringes in your high school bathroom in front of half a dozen hometown southern Baptist PTA moms. Oh yeah.

#3:
Basically any form of "I need a shot," "I took a shot," or "I'm going to take a shot."

Why do I get raised eyebrows after saying any of the above mentioned sentences? Because when normal people hear those phrases they assume tequila. I cannot count the number of times I've said "I just took a shot" and friends assume I've just started the party early. If only.

Last night at dinner when I casually said, "I need a shot," my good friend said, "OK!" My waitress said, "We don't serve alocohol." 

#4
"Ughhhh. I'm so high right now."

Flash back to a few weeks ago to when I was working an event for my summer internship (Willie's 4th of July Picnic, to be exact.) It was as hot as, well, Texas in July and I was already thirsty on top of my less-than-perfect blood sugar level. Wiping the sweat off my forehead I exclaimed, "Ugh, I just wish I wasn't so high right now!" My very relaxed co-worker just shrugged, "I mean, it IS a Willie Nelson concert..." Ay dios mio.

Unfortunately what I really mean is that my blood sugar is in a dangerously "high" range (basically anything over 150ish.) Dude, like, whoa. 


So you're welcome, guys. Next time you hear me or my fellow diabadasses mention shooting up or taking drugs, don't call the cops. Just give us a high five.



And for those of you who found this even remotely interesting. Here is a lady who wrote a whole 70-term blog post on diabetes jargon. It's less smart ass than my list, but way more comprehensive and informative. Enjoy:

http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2011/02/diabetes_terms_of_endearment_t.html

The Proof is in the Pudding

"You have diabetes? But you're not old. Or fat."



OK look. I get it. Most people have no reason to learn or understand anything about diabetes. I don't expect you to know all of the clinical facts and medical jargon. But for those of you who want to tickle this ginger's fancy, here's a quick synopsis brought to you by the always accurate experts at Web MD.

"Type 1 diabetes occurs when the body's own immune system destroys the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas (called beta cells)."

Yup. That's right. Type 1 diabetics have this disease because we were born with it. We did not OD on sugar as a child and fall into the rabbit hole of diabetes. We don't have to inject ourselves with insulin because we ate one too many sugar filled, chocolate glazed, deep fried donuts in our lazy lives. This is the card we were dealt. Other than a less-than-perfect endocrine system, we are perfectly normal people. (For the most part, I can't speak for all of the weirdos out there.)

This isn't meant to be an ass-chewing for everyone out there who doesn't know the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. It's understandable. After all, this is what we are used to seeing as the face of diabetes:

But as a Type 1 diabetic, it's not fun being judged for something you can't control. (Ironically because we dedicate most of our time trying to control it...) And trust me, I have my big-girl panties on and I'm dealing with it. This is just a bee in my bonnet. Like people who clip/file their nails in public or smack while they chew.

Disclaimer: I'm also not dogging Type 2 diabetics. I will never, EVER, be one of those "Oh you brought it upon yourself" people. Ever. 

No, we don't look like the starring character from the 1958 film, 'The Blob.' Yes, we know all too well what the inside of a gym looks like. No, we don't pronounce it 'dia-beet-us.' Yes, we counted carbs before it was cool.

So moral of the rant? Don't judge a disease by its stereotype. (You can go ahead and judge a book by it's cover. We're pretty narcissistic people. We like our covers.)

**This post is dedicated to a few of my fellow favorite diabadasses, all of whom are hot, healthy, hilarious, and have crappy pancreases.